Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Wednesday - Changing your oil

Changing your oil is a snap.  Don't be crazy and take your car into one of those oil changing places.  Below are 456 easy steps to *oil changing dominance.

*Disclaimer - Following the steps below may or may not yield desirable results, unless you are watching someone else follow the instructions... in which case side effects can include laughing and difficulty holding your bladder contents.  Do not drink milk and watch at the same time.

1. Make sure you have a car/truck/automobile.

*Car/Truck/Automobile defined as a mode of transportation that can, given the appropriate prodding, get you from point A to somewhere less than or equal to your destination, otherwise known as point B.

2. Make sure you have the keys to that same car/truck/automobile.

3. Make sure the car/truck/automobile is off.

4. Open the car/truck/automobile door. (Preferably the driver side door... ie. the one with the steering wheel.)

5. Pull the latch or handle that releases the hood. (It looks kind of like a handle-like latch)

6. Get out of the car/truck/automobile.

7. Go around to the front of the car/truck/automobile.
*Front defined as the opposite side of the back

8. Do not try to open the hood yet.

9. Feel under the open part of the hood for a release latch (see above for definition of a latch)... it's somewhere.

10. Once you feel the latch, don't stop there. You need to move it the correct way... move it one way or the other.

11. You may then lift the hood.

12. Skipping step thirteen will result in massive head injuries!!!

13. Find the safety holder upper thingy, and put it in it's place.

14. Stick your head under the hood.

15. Look for a little pole thing with a finger hole thing. (Usually this is somewhere near the engine)

16. Put your finger in the thingy and pull the pole out.

17. Wipe the oil on something... Not your clothes, unless you want oil on your clothes. (If you do not see oil on the pole, make sure that you followed step 1.  If so then go to step 456.)

18. Put the pole back into the hole. (Preferably the same hole you pulled the pole out of, because that is where the oil is.)

19. Get the pole back out.

20. Look at the pole.

21. If you have oil on the pole, then you have oil in your car. If the oil goes up the pole to a certain spot, then you have enough oil.

22. If the oil doesn't go up far enough, then go to step 456.

23.  Once oil is in your car/truck/automobile, you should be OK to close everything up, and assuming you followed all the above steps and the optional required step below, you should now be able to drive off into the sunset.

Optional Step, or required step... depending on your situation.

456. Put oil in your car. (Not on the seats or the dashboard, but in the engine. But not anywhere in the engine. You must find the oil compartment thingy. Open that and put oil in there. But not any oil. You should use Motor Oil, because cooking oil may cause unwanted results, unless you have French Fries, in which case you shouldn't be doing that in your car/truck/automobile engine.)

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


Who would have guessed it?  2 page views from Hungary.... it's official, this blog is truely international.

Food, honestly... you can't sugar coat that...

Let us be honest with one another... some kinds of food are nasty.  Our definitions of nasty vary from country to country, or even person to person.  For example, I hate beets.  Now, when I say hate, I mean the very greatest level of despising that one reserves for only the very must unpleasant sensations/feelings. 

With such a high level of loathing, you might think I have a problem with the merry band of humans that clasify themselves as "beet connoisseurs".  Of course I do, but if we just put the beets away we're good.  Honestly, I just question whether or not their olfactory nerves are in working order.

Now, when I talk to said "beet lovers", they tell me that I just haven't had beets the right way.  Some say that pickling the beets is the way to go... yeah, ferment the beets a little and that will make them taste better.  Beets taste like feets... (spell checker doesn't like the word feets, but it sounds good so, c'est la vie).

Another one of those unnatural foods is haggis.  I mean, take this definition from Wikipedia...

Haggis is a dish containing sheep's 'pluck' (heart, liver and lungs), minced with onion, oatmealsuet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally simmered in the animal's stomach for approximately three hours

Nothing says yummy like sheep's pluck.

Any other foods that you just can't stand?  Feel free to come out of the sugar coated closet in the comments below...

Friday, March 25, 2011

Crusty.... er... Mantley

Welcome to the "Gee Whiz" portion of the show.  Today's "Gee Whiz" moment comes from a Japanese drill ship that can go over 6 miles deep.  The point is to pull the first material from the mantle ever by a human being.

This will prove once and for all whether or not there are really Fraggles...

Will it Blend?

...... Gruesome.....


What's the definition of crazy?

Every year I fill out a bracket (10 actually) for the NCAA basketball tournament.  I go through all my notes and SportsCenter reruns.  I watch countless "experts" to get a better read on the "Tourney" so that my picks would reflect reality at the end of each round.  I usually feel pretty confident in my picks, and feel like this year will be my year...

Then the madness sets in...

Morehead and Richmond win... I mean, come on!!!  The unstoppable fall to a broken bracket has begun.  Purdue loses, then Notre Dame, but hey... BYU makes it to the Sweet 16....

BYU loses to Florida...

Now, here's the crazy part.  Next year I will do it again, and will shoot for the stars and likely end up in the mud, and I will likely say the same things...

Next year will be different.  Just wait...

Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Wise Guy Tweets

Imagine, never being without the Wise Guy... it's like having a never ending piece of joy...

Follow me on Twitter - @wiseguybeyond

Brown Dwarf... The Wise Guy Explains All

So, chalk this one up to a "Gee Whiz" moment, but apparently astonomers have found a brown dwarf star that is only slightly warmer than a cup of joe.

That's right, the star is just a touch under 212 degrees F and 100 degrees C.  Which, for me anyway, is pretty darn cool... (ha, I have punned).

Basically, a brown dwarf is considered a failed star because it's gravity is/was never strong enough to cause nuclear fission.  Now, that you know this, what are you going to do with the information?

Good question...

Blog the First... The Wise Guy Speaketh...

For a great while now, I have wanted to start a good blog.  You know, the kind that people actually want to read?  Perhaps one that pursues the depth and scope of my thinking?  I started brainstorming about ideas for said blog, and, having started several pathetic blogs, I wanted make an attempt at something that was, well, "unpathetic"...

Off the list almost immediately were clothes and fashion.  Sure I wear clothes, and one might have considered them fashionable at some point, it is certainly not something in which I have a lot of credibility. 

Next to get the axe was politics.  I have my opinions the same as the next guy, but the next guys opinions stink, and nobody wants to be told they stink.  It is immediately a turn off to readers if you insult them, so I will attempt to avoid insults.

Also off the list were mustache care, llama grooming, cockroach mating habits, etc.

I finally narrowed the list of acceptable topics and came up, finally, with a topic.  Are you ready for this?  It's pretty exciting...

Whatever is on my mind at the time!

So, whether wise or not, I'll say it... and if it doesn't go well, I will revert back to the topic that was runner up.... "Theoretical Stuff".