Random News Friday

The problem with most posts on blogs is that the writer doesn't know how to introduce their topic in a way that grabs most peoples attention.  This means that they don't get past the first couple of sentences without leaving the blog...

It occurs to me that I may have lost you in my introduction...

Well, for those of you who stayed, I bring you RANDOM NEWS FRIDAY!

Georgia Lemonade Girls

In a recent blog post I brought to you a story about three Georgia girls who were prohibited from having a lemonade stand due to the fact that they didn't have a business license and a food handlers permit.  This is of course because nothing is more insidious than a lemonade stand.  The towns police should have a new slogan.  "Keeping the public safe from watery lemonade".

To make matters worse, the purpose of the lemonade stand was to help them earn money to afford entry into a local water park.  This nefarious plot wherein children earn money through selling a product they had made was foiled by the police.  I mean to say, lemonade which contains water being sold to gain entry to a water park? 

Well, this story has just had a new twist.  The manager at the water park has just offered to let the girls sell their lemonade in the water park.  The girls were also given free entry to the park.  The only problem is that the city is still pondering charges against the girls.  Sounds like a good use of tax dollars to me.

Tiger Woods Back From Rehab

Tiger Woods has recently tweeted that he would be back in action for the Bridgestone invitational.  After spending several weeks out of action with a knee/achilles injury sustained at the Masters earlier this year, I am sure he is ready to get back into the swing of things....

Mysteries

There are somethings in this world that will never be explained.  Who let the dogs out?  Was there a second shooter on the grass covered "small hill or mound"? (someone once asked me what a knoll was, so rather than get that question again, I defined it.  You're welcome.)  If a tree falls in the forest and lands on somebody, does the tree care?

Well, one mystery can finally be put to rest.  Photons cannot travel faster than light.  This is like saying that sound waves cannot travel faster than the speed of sound.  Considering a photon is basically a unit of light, it means that light cannot travel faster than itself. 

I know there is more to it than that, but this has got me thinking... if someone can get a grant for proving light travels at the speed of light, could I get a grant to prove arachnids have eight legs?  Or perhaps, could I study the spelling of the word aardvark?  I mean, why the double 'a' to start the word?  It's not pronounced a a rdvark.

I also have a theory on who let the dogs out.

Say What?!?!?!

I am going to increase my debt limit today.  In spending more money than I take in by about fifty percent,  it has become clear that I must spend more.  The one thing that is clear to me and has been for quite some time is that the more I spend, the more I make.

This being the case, I propose the following budget plan:

• Cut the increase in spending from fifty percent to fourty-nine percent.
• Increase the rate at which I spend money on fly-by-night investments, like inflateable cars.
• Cut discresionary spending on icecream and move it to doughnuts.
• Cut seventy-five percent from dog clothing budget.
• Increase the rate of decrease in the increased budget for leg band initiative in which a leg band is purchased for everyone who stands for the increase in the decrease of the increased budget.
• Increase revenue by pick-pocketing.

The above will be the basis by which I will prove my fiscal responsiblity and my ability to repay my debts.

Any questions?  Want to invest?

Truth, Justice, and.... oooh.... Shiny!

There was a time when the office where I work had a walkway clear of any hurdle.  My mind had memorized that hallway to the point that I could literally walk backwards, blindfolded, and gagged and still make it.  It was a perfect place to walk and chew gum even for the most clumsy person.  That is until someone decided to put a plant in the hallway that sticks out halfway from the wall.  Many a person has run into that plant because, like so many things, we don't realize we've lost something until we impale ourselves on a tree.

The same can be said about life in general.  Growing up, I recall a time when I could go outside and play in an open field and do pretty much whatever I wanted.  We built a tree house that everyone in the neighborhood used.  In travelling back to that same spot today, there are houses as far as the eye can see.  It happened gradually, but the open spaces that so many held dear are now gone.

The issue here is how quickly our minds focus on the shiny as a new way to slice bread.  Sometimes, the original doesn't need improvement.  Another example is how subtly American superheroes have change over the years to where they are nearly devoid of the American part of their character.  Superman stands for truth, justice, and all that stuff.  Wonder Woman ditched the star spangled lingerie.  Spiderman doesn't mention NYC anymore.

The thing is, American values haven't changed, but the way some people look at them has become more popular.  America still stands for freedom, truth, and justice.  It still stands for greatness and fair play.  The question is, who will stand up for these values?  Standing together with those who hold them so dear will ensure their survival.  Ignore those values and truths, and we lose them.  One day we will impale ourselves on the tree and wonder what the heck happened.

Lemonade or Terrorist Plot?

Lemonade.... can there be a better way to quench your thirst than with some watered down lemonade from a corner stand?  Sure at fifty cents for an increasingly smaller glass, it is overpriced.  I can buy a package of Lemonade (Kool-Aid) for 18 cents plus the cost of sugar (35 cents) and produce a pitcher full of lemonade, but it's the principle of the thing, right?

The self worth and self reliance that a simple lemonade stand teaches is extraordinary.  Working toward a goal is always the better way.  It also teaches you to understand people.  Do people like warm lemonade on a 90 degree day, or do they prefer a little ice?  Would they mind paying 10 cents more for that ice?  Is it possible to get even more sticky if I spill some on the table and let it sit in the hot sun?  Even more important, if I play in it with my fingers and/or other body parts, does it make it more or less likely to be appetizing to others?

The opportunities for learning are endless, which is why I find the following story all that more disturbing.

Some youths in Georgia were on private property selling lemonade.  Perhaps the police officer didn't like lemonade, or had a bad experience with lemonade in the past, or perhaps hates little children.  For whatever reason though, the officer pulled over and informed them that their lemonade stand was throwing off the rotation of the earth and needed to be closed down for the greater good.  Now, if that were true, I could see the need for this stand to be taken down.  I mean, it's for the greater good....

The problem was actually related to the fact that they did not have a proper food handlers permit and business license, which at 180 bucks was just a tad out of the youngsters price range.  The best part was the quote from the police chief who said, "police also didn't know how the lemonade was made, who made it or what was in it."

Well, first you take your lemons and then you take your ade.... mix thoroughly.

Lapse in Judgement

The frontal lobe of your brain is the area where cause and effect are ironed out.  The younger you are, the less developed this sense is.  Consequently, you get a five year old who thinks that if he jumps off the top of the monkey bars, he will float safely to the ground.  Actually, he doesn't even think past, "I am gonna jump off the bars.... WEEEEEEEEE!"

The underdevelopment of the frontal lobe even explains why I, while in 5th grade, gave a letter to a girl in my class that proclaimed my "love" and asked the following question:

Do you...

a- Love me
b- Like me
c- Hate me
d- Think I am the ugliest boy on the face of the earth

I have relived the moment several times in my mind all the while trying to will my younger self to either not send the letter, or get rid of options "c" and "d".  Alas, my younger self was unable to get the message, and the letter remains with option "d" circled.

At or around the age of 21, the frontal lobe starts to connect the dots.  This also explains why I thought, up until that point, that my parents were idiots.  While making decisions in my youth, my parents were always there to point out the pitfalls.  Unfortunately, while they were talking, my mind turned on "Pop Goes the Weasel" which drowned out their advice.  (By the way, you're welcome for getting "Pop Goes the Weasel" stuck in your head.)

As the age of 21 approached, the volume on the song varied from barely audible to overpowering.  This explains walking in a lightning storm with my umbrella held high and getting struck by a tiny bolt of lightning, but it also explains why I did not go cliff diving from the very same spot that someone had died a year previous.

So now that we have gone through the excuse built in for those under 21, what is the excuse for those over 21?  For example, when tragedy struck as a 39 year old father fell to his death while trying to catch a ball in Texas Ranger stadium, why on earth would another man days later even reach over the precipice?  The man nearly met the same fate.

In all seriousness, we need to take a moment and turn down the music.  Take a moment and consider the possible consequences of our actions.  If we can all be a little more thoughtful, we might avoid some of the most serious of those consequences and maybe stick around on the third rock from the sun a little longer.

Too Much Time On Your Hands

I think people can be separated into three distinct groups.  Protesters, counter protesters, and people who work.  If there is one thing that I have noticed recently, the first two groups of people seem to have an overwhelming amount of time on their hands.  I see people out protesting, which in and of itself can be about 10 percent of the time a worthy use of ones time.  Mostly, though, it does about as much good as screaming at an spider and expecting it to get scared and leave.

"Heck no, no more processed chicken!!!  Heck no, no more processed chicken!!!"

Is the processed chicken killing you?  No.  Do you have other food consumption options?  Yes! 

The worst kind of protesters in my opinion are those who protest the protesters.  They're the ones that try to make their endeavors sound smart by calling them "counter protests", though it inevetiably devolves into a child's playground arguement.

"Heck no, no more processed chicken!!!  Heck no, no more processed chicken!!!"

Then you get the 'counter' argument...

"You guys are stupid"

There are protesters I see every day on the way to work.  Oddly enough, they don't seem to leave to go anywhere.  They are there all day.  This leaves me to wonder if perhaps there is a lot of money in protesting....

Protest unfair taxation.... good.

Protest dangerous work environment.... good.

Protesting to get chocolate milk out of children's schools.... maybe not.

Protesting the protesters and those who protest the protesters in a blog... crap, got me there...