Uh, What an Alarmingly Large and Blurry Foot You Have

The best way to describe my reaction to unbelievable stories is to call me a skeptic.  If there is gold in Abe Linclons head on Mount Rushmore, why would it still be there?  Even better, why would God tell some random guy  that the world would end when he said that "no man knoweth"?  There is a sucker born every minute, it seems, and worst of all in most cases they procreate faster than the rest of us.

This brings me to today's topic.  Bigfoot.  First, let me say, if there is a bigfoot, I am certain he would rather go by Charlie or Sedgwick rather than bigfoot.  How would you like to be known by your least favorite body feature?  "Hey there Thunder Thighs", or "morning Gigantic Schnoz."

Ok, now that we have that out of the way, have you noticed whenever Sedgwick is filmed it is done by Mr. Blurrycam?  You know the guy, right?  He's the one that goes on a family vacation wanting to keep all of his memories in the best possible format so he brings is 2002 vintage camera phone.  While on his trip, he sees the very latest iPhone being used by the local barkeep and snaps a couple of high quality shots while shaking uncontrollably due to the extreme bladder issues. 

This produces such epic failures such as:

And:

So it should come as no surprise that Mr. Blurrycam couldn't come up with a better shot.  "Oh crap, there's Sedgwick... where's my Samsung ghetto phone?  Ah there it is..."

Click...

You see... right there... right next to the tree...

It's either Bigfoot or it isn't.  That is one thing I am sure of...

Bugs In Your Popcorn

So today's post brings me to you a little grossed out.  We keep popcorn in a Rubbermaid container in our pantry and have done so for quite sometime.  While working in my office, I am interrupted by my wife who tells me that we have little bugs in our popcorn.

There is no way, I thought.  How could there be bugs in a Rubbermaid container that can be under water and not allow H2O in?  Well they are there, and multiplying from what I can tell which is even more perplexing.  Turns out that the container acted as an incubator that kept all good stuff in and the bad stuff (predators) out.

The bugs have a startling resemblance to creatures found to inhabit corn in the mid-west.  So, the larvae have been there for a long time.  This leads me unavoidably to the conclusion that we must have ingested some along the way...

Why do I keep getting full body shivers...?

Plank On It vs. Bacon Sundae

There are some crazy things going on out there.  First, there is planking.  The point of planking is to have a person imitate a long plank of wood in some obscure location.  I, for one, do not get it.  With so many more exciting things to spend your time on (Old Maid, tongue piercing, bashing your toe on the corner of the wall etc.) why anyone would want to be a piece of wood?  Apparently it is huge in Australia where several people have been seriously injured or killed.

My favorite... er... not really favorite as that is kind of morbid... we'll call it my non-favorite favorite.  Anyway, this guy gets out on his balcony several stories up and tries to lay on the railing.  He loses his balance and plummets to his doom.  Really.... why would you do this?  Crocodile wrestling too mundane?

This leads me to another bit of craziness.  I went to Denny's the other day and was greeted with something that nearly put my stomach out of commission.  I know some of you probably feel the same way even considering eating at Denny's, so this probably won't seem so weird.  Well, they have a new product that combines a breakfast favorite with ice cream.  No, they did not combine waffles, nor did they combine ice cream with strawberry cream cheese.  Both choices, to me anyway, would have been immediately superior to.....

Bacon Sundae!!!!  The motto for this desert is... "Bacon... The New Chocolate Syrup."  Yeah, yummy.  Next thing they will do is combine orange juice with coffee, or pancakes and corned beef.

Congratulations Denny's... Grand Slam?  Nah, just a bunch of pig meat.

Sticky Situation

Anyone out there recall the song by Alanis Morissette called Ironic?  If yes, then this will make sense.  If not, I will spare you the YouTube video of me lip syncing.... this time...

Anyway, the lyrics point out a few ironic situations and puts them to music.  Wow, at the next Alanis Morissette concert she should be introduced like that.

"Ladies and Gentlemen!  Welcome to a concert where Alanis Morissette puts ironic lyrics to music."

Riveting entertainment for sure.  Anyway, she mentions how irony is like raaaaaaaaaeeaaaiiiinnnn on your wedding day, a free riiiiieeeeiiiide when you've already paid.  It's good adviiiiiice that you just can't take, and who would of thought?  It figgers.

This is a perfect way to bring up the following news story.  So apparently a man in Vermont who worked in the honey business spent three weeks in the hospital due to anaphalactic shock and extreme honey allergy.

It's like being a honnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy worker when you are alllllllllllleeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrgggggiiiiiiicccccccccccc....

It figgers...

Reality vs. Movie Critics

Imagine for a moment that you are a food critic and before you is laid some fresh salmon.  You take a piece of salmon in your fork and put it into your mouth.  You have never tasted something so wonderful as this fish.  The presentation is grand and you smile as your senses are rushed by the wonderful flavor.

Later that evening as you prepare to put pen to paper to review your meal, you instead choose to focus on the shoe laces of the person serving the table next to you.  In excruciating detail the review focuses on those dirty white laces with red and orange polka dots.  Your focus is so intense that the entirety of the meal is forgotten.  Sure you loved the food, but those shoe laces.... just.... arrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

The above is a perfect example of how movie critics work.  Watching a movie like Titanic, they focus on the fact that the iceburg wasn't cold enough.  There are so many movies that I would have missed had I chose to follow the recommendation of the critcs.  As long as I leave the movie feeling that I have not wasted my money, it is good.

I know the above is considered blasphemy in movie critic circles and I will never be invited to the Oscars let alone the Film Reviewers Hot Dog Roast.  I am crying inside... really...

The Day After The End

I guess I always supposed it would be more exciting.  Every movie I have ever seen depicts the end of time as so much more.  I mean, all I did on the day after was my normal routine.  California did not fall into the ocean and the caldera in Yellowstone didn't errupt.  There also weren't gigantic hurricane like systems grabbing enormous amounts of super chilled air from the upper atmosphere plunging the world into a new ice age.

I woke up, took a shower, and spent the day with my family.  Could you imagine going to that movie?

Crentist the Dentist

Okay, so I am a huge office fan.  I have laughed harder at that show than any I can recall in the past.  I have been going through each of the seasons.  This got me to thinking about dentists, which brought me to Bill Cosby...

Happy Friday!!!