Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Getting Old

Ok, so a very funny thing happened this morning.  I was in the shower and an idea came to me of a great topic to write about today.  It was so tremendous and unforgetable that I thought the mere idea of writing it down was beneath me, because in no way would I ever misplace this idea in my steel trap of a mind.

If you know where this story is heading, you are likely young and have the propensity to mock your elders due to their forgetfulness.  On the other side of it, if you knew where this was going but have since forgotten, you will probably remember it at a time when all value of knowing has past.

Anyway, later that morning I was driving into work and the thought came to me how neat it was going to be to write about the amazing topic I had thought up earlier.  What joy it brought to me!  So I went to the steel trap where I had left the super neat idea only to find that not only was the idea not there, but I had misplaced the steel trap. 

This leads me to today's topic: getting old.  I thought it might be nice to have a few sure fire signs that you are getting old, knowing that you will likely forget these by the time you experience them...

1 - If you refer to years past as the "good ole days", or "my day", and then follow it by how crappy today is, you are well on your way.

2 - Early onset of "oldness" causes one to walk down the hallway for something (which you forgot) and come back with something else just so you didn't waste the trip.

Late onset of "oldness" causes a search party to be sent out when you do not return.  The search party finds you in the den at the opposite side of the house taking a nap.

3 - An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a prune today keeps me regular...

4 - You have chosen the perfect year for clothing style and have decided to stick with it on all future purchases despite the fact that the beat goes on without you.

5 - You peruse a newspaper and try cut out the coupon for the buy one get one free arthritis ointment, but can't so you lick the page and rip it.

6 - You start to lose your hearing.... I SAID, YOU START TO LOSE YOUR HEARING...
7 - You use the term "what's his face" not to mock, but because you really don't remember his name.

8 - You stop yelling at people for going too slow.  You are now the reason people yell.

9 - Getting out of bed gets the adreneline pumping.

10 - You get your "sweets" by stealing the Sweet n' Low from the diner

Well, those are just a few of the signs of "oldness".  Good luck!

No comments:

Post a Comment